Fuck Fuckity Fuck Fuck FUCK!!!
August 02, 2006 04:55 AM

Excuse the profanity, but I have this stupid habit of making my life stupidly difficult for myself, and even though I know this, I don't do anything about anything. How can I be this stupid? Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I know I'm bright. Not a genius, but smarter than most. Not to be vain, or mean. It's just the way it is. It's good genes. Science. It's nothing to do with me, really.
Which brings me to my next "pet-peeve". Why the hell is it such a crime to know you're smart and say so? God, it's not like you're claming you're this amazing person, you're just stating a fact. It's the same as saying "i'm a blonde" or "my left hand's nails are painted black and I haven't gotten round to painting the right hand just yet.". God people piss me off!
thankfully they make me laugh too. And for the same reasons they piss me off. I'm a confused little chicken who knows exactly what she wants in life. If she can get it without being fucked over again (which she thinks is bound to happen) is the question. Oh well, I say "Fuck it". Even if everything comes crashing down and I get left behind to pick up the pieces, I think it would be worth it all. Isn't happiness, no matter how brief, what we should be living for? I think so, and that's why I do what I do. Walk into mistakes with my eyes and arms wide open. Am I demented? I think very probably. Do I care? Hell NO!!
I'll probably experience more joy and good times in my life than most people purely because I'm not afraid of getting hurt. I'd rather only be miserable for a couple of months (collectively) in my life, than spending my whole life unhappy, because I was too scared to take any real chances. To afraid to go talk to that cute guy across the room. Too hooked on my misery to do what I know will make me happy, even if only for a little while.
I know I'm being stupid though. I know I'm going to regret this. It's fire, and oh how I love playing with it! It's a rush, and it's exciting and it keeps me coming back for more no matter how hot it gets. It's awesome! And in moments like those, I am happy. That's where I live and thta's where I'll die.
I bid thee all, my loyal readers (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!), a great day! May you too discover the joys of living "it" a little. Just give it a try. I'm sure you'll be amazed : )
Toodles! ^_^